Thursday, May 19, 2005

When the Student is Ready, the Teacher Will Appear

I have been lucky in life to have been open enough to learn much from many.

Rog and I are "going steady" for want of a better term -- neither of us want to see anyone else. He asked me last night if I were "good at picking men"...really asking me (I think) if I were sure about my choice this time.

I woke up this morning and realized that the previous two times I'd made a commitment, I'd done so out of fear.

When I found the man I would marry, I wanted a protector. I felt battered by life events beyond my control, and I found a controller. I KNEW he was not a kind person, but I thought he'd be different with me (mistake number one) and I married him. Didn't work.

When I found the man I later lived with, I wanted faithfulness, honesty, and freedom. I felt betrayed and controlled by my exhusband, and I found an honest man. I KNEW he was irresponsible, I KNEW he needed to move constantly, and I KNEW he had an anger problem -- because he told me all these things himself -- and I thought I could change (mistake number two). We lived together. Didn't work.

I wrote this last June. I knew I didn't want someone I had to change and I knew I didn't want someone who had to change me.

Then I met Lynn, when I bought a really cool painting from her on Ebay (see her current listings here). Since I was born in November (and therefore Sagittarius) and have always been fascinated by mythology, moonlight, and luna moths, I had to buy it...and for whatever reason, no one was willing to bid very high, and I was able to afford it.

Later, she posted another lovely and mysterious painting which bore a strong resemblance to my daughter, Alex -- who loves Jack Russell terriers...see the closeup here. Once again, it was affordable, although her works are usually more than I can manage. Alex LOVES it...although if she hadn't, I'd have been VERY happy to have kept it myself.

Since I'd bought a second painting from Lynn, this time we emailed back and forth a few times, and found we are about the same age and had some similar early experiences. But of all the things we wrote about, one stayed with me: she'd had a poor first marriage as well, and is (she states) deliriously happy this time around. She told me, "The first time I picked what I thought I wanted. The second time, I asked God to choose for me."

And this January, after that exchange with Lynn, that's just what I did.

Sometimes we never know the powerful influence that we have on those around us.


Leann said...

Your daughter is beautiful and the paintings are lovely.

I can relate on a personal level about the men in your life, as I'm sure you know from reading my blog :-)

Enjoy the moments and seasons in your life.

Jodie said...

Thanks Leann! Sometimes I wish those life lessons weren't quite so difficult. But at least I'm learning and not repeating. :)

Chick said...

You just never know where your source of inspiration is going to come from...sometimes it comes from unexpected places...& you're lucky not to have missed it.

Lita said...

I agree with you chick. It always amazes me how so many people go through life with their eyes closed, doing so eliminates the possibility opportunity.

Keeefer said...

I hope you two whippersnappers have a chaperone. All this meeting with each other out of wedlock. Its just not seemly, your great great great grandfather would be apalled. Can you please get Rog to post his intentions towards you, his financial disposition and a history of his lineage so we may discuss his merits and shortcomings.


Gone Away said...

The young lady in the picture is holding the terrier in completely the wrong way. Jack Russells were bred to hunt rabbits and small game from horseback (the owners were on horseback, not the terriers). The idea was that you shoved the terrier in your pocket and then, when you saw the prey, you grabbed the dog by its conveniently handle-sized tail, pulled it out of your pocket and released it to hunt down the game. Jack Russells should always be picked up by their tails, therefore. :D

Keeefer said...

Gone, i never knew that about jack russels!
I knew they were used for hunting rabbits and digging out the furry critters but not the horesback quaint

Jodie said...

Gone, I had never heard that! I cannot imagine a pocket full of squirmy dog -- my daughter's dog thinks it is as big as a shetland and bosses all the other dogs in the neighborhood.

Harry said...

Eek! All I saw was nudes! :))

Seriously, that's a great little testimony, Jodi...may things continue to unfold in His will for you both.

Jodie said...

That is a pretty racy picture, Harry, but I like it anyway. I just keep it in my bedroom so my 16 year old doesn't get any ideas. :D